How To Cope With Life In A Hate-Based Society

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Well, my friends, today is the last day in which we can pretend that love and courage and decency have a place in our political discourse and our national consciousness.  You may be wondering how to maintain your sanity while the triumphant purveyors of hatred, division and fear set about dismantling all remaining vestiges of compassionate government and international cooperation.  First and foremost, disengage your emotions from politics; whether you were liberal, conservative or moderate, the party is over.  You no longer have a voice in the discourse, so you might as well drop your former political stance from your sense of identity.  This will free up a lot of time and energy for the pursuit of new activities and as such, may just be a blessing in disguise.  Now is the time to follow your dreams and hopefully bring them to fruition.  But if it’s been a while since you’ve entertained such dreams, here are some suggestions of things that you can do to fill your time, expand your horizons, and be the calm eye of the storm over the next four years:

  • Write a book.
  • Adopt a goat.
  • Learn Sanskrit.
  • Start a religion.
  • Grow an eleventh toe.
  • Learn to play the French horn.
  • Become an alcoholic.
  • Become a Capoeira master.
  • Learn origami.
  • Teach origami to the blind.
  • Teach origami to a cat.
  • Eat a goat.
  • Make yodeling your primary form of communication.
  • Shrink 4 ½ inches.
  • Tell everyone you have Lou Gehrig’s disease and bask in the pity.
  • Join a traveling Renaissance Faire.
  • Ladies: Grow a beard. Men: Grow a boob.
  • Buy a CB radio and harass truckers.
  • Name every pore on your body.
  • Change the way you sneeze.
  • Join the Manson Family.
  • Start a Shields & Yarnell fan club.
  • Eliminate solids and liquids from your diet, then write a cook book.
  • Join a nudist colony.
  • Sit and stare.

Remember: Today is the first day of the rest of your stupid, meaningless life.  Enjoy it.

 

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