Yesterday, I created my first ever Twitter account only to delete it in less than five minutes. From all that I’ve seen, Twitter appears to be the dumbest of all social media venues, but I was thinking that perhaps I could use it to generate interest in this blog. Within that 5 minute time frame, Maryellen (Remember her? The title of the blog you’re reading implies her existence) sent me a text to mock the fact that I had caved to social media pressure. Already humiliated at the fact that I had created this account but couldn’t figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with it, I did the only sensible thing, which was to kill that little experiment before it ever got off the ground.
There is no way to be cool, funny, clever or profound in 144 characters or less. That is, unless you’re Samuel L. Jackson. Here he is responding to idiot-savant Ben Carson’s comments about slaves being “immigrants who had to work harder for less”:
Not only did Sam manage to retain his superior level of cool in this post, but he was funny no less than 3 times in less than 144 characters. No one else can pull off such an accomplishment, so for that reason, I’d advise everyone to spare yourselves unnecessary humiliation and just forget about updating your Twitter feed. If you think for one second that your self-indulgent hashtagged communications can rival those of America’s Swearing Laureate, to that I can only say: MUTHAFUKKA, PLEASE!!!