Crash!

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This morning, I was too lazy to pack a lunch before I left for work.  “Fuck that noise,” said I.  “It’s Friday and I’m gonna treat myself to McDonalds.”

On my way to indulge this midday craving, some kid in a pick-up truck decided that waiting for an economy sized sedan to pass through the intersection before making his left turn was just too unbearable, so he did what any impatient jackass teenager would do and plowed into my vehicle.  Now I am without a car for a couple of weeks.  My office is easy walking distance from my apartment, so this won’t inconvenience me half as much as it would most people.  No big deal.  But I expect to be housebound for much of this weekend, and maybe next weekend, too.

Rather than pass the time generating one idiotic blog post after another, I’ve decided to challenge myself with parameters.  Most blogs are by their very nature extremely self-indulgent.  Hopefully, the fact that I often choose to pontificate about philosophy and physics and politics and pop culture counteracts some of my other posts whose upshot is some variation on “woe is me” or “hurray for me!”  But since I’ve got some time on my hands, I now want to challenge myself even further in that direction.  I am going to attempt, in my next post, to compose the entire thing without once using the words I, me, mine, my, Paul, or any variation thereof.

Will the eschewing of first person references make for a more compelling article?  Or will it sound lifeless and read like a text book, regardless of the subject matter I choose?  Dunno.  We shall see if a voice that refuses to identify its source has the ability to entertain.  I’ve been wanting to experiment with something like this ever since reading “Quantum Psychology” by Robert Anton Wilson.  That entire 200+ page book was written without once using “essence” words such as is, be, are, am, was, etc., and was therefore a much taller order to accomplish than what I’m proposing for myself here.

I’d be interested in your honest feedback after I publish the results of this self-challenge.  If the general consensus is that it’s still readable and entertaining without first person interjections, perhaps I’ll utilize that method more often. But even if the consensus is that it’s about as interesting as watching flies fuck, it still will have been good practice in ego negation, like literary Dzogchen.

Moral: Just pack yer damn lunch, you lazy schmuck.

14 thoughts on “Crash!

    1. Thanks, Pablo. Now that I think of it, writing something in third person language isn’t much of a challenge. When I wrote that, I was ironically allowing myself to be absorbed by amazement at someone else’s self-absorption, which is the same as comparative thinking, which is a form of self-absorption. But I wrote it, so now I’ll own it…the only way to make it truly challenging is to write about something personal, something that happened to me, without using first person words.

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  1. You are correct, it doesn’t surprise me at all that you are a fan of his. Sometimes the sheer insanity that seems to be affecting the entire planet lately becomes more palatable when I pretend that it’s nothing more than a missing final chapter of The Illuminatus Trilogy playing out in real time.

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  2. Wow, I can’t wait to read your next post. I have no doubt you will knock it out of the park like you always do! And what is with kids these days? I watched a 20-year-old girl go around a car stopped at a red light (BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU DO AT A RED LIGHT), then barrel through the intersection, completely oblivious to the danger she put herself and unsuspecting drivers in. I am sure the text she was reading was worth it. Ahhh. #cluelessmuch

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    1. Thanks! When I was responding to another comment about the post to come, it dawned on me that writing in the third person isn’t very challenging, in and of itself, so I’ll have to write about something specifically personal without first person language. Kids in cars are a menace, but since my last ever night of drinking coincided with a much-deserved DUI on New Years Eve 2011, I still feel I don’t really have a right to criticize other people’s driving.

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  3. Thanks! His mom showed up shortly after the accident and she chewed him out far more effectively than I could have, so I opted for civility. For some reason, every time I see the photo of you rockin’ the fuzzy ears and nose, it makes me smile.

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  4. Please, the whole point of a blog is a little bit of self-indulgence. The world nowadays is so full of noise that we tend to forget to listen to ourselves. Besides, you could write about Windex and I’d still find it enjoyable.

    P.S. Bob’s Burgers is life.

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    1. Thank you! I don’t know why it makes me as happy as it does to hear someone else sing the praises of Bob’s Burgers. I really wish I could have found the same GIF with audio, because Tina groaning while Bob is hysterically shouting at her that she’s heading for the only car in the parking lot was sublimely uncomfortable and hilarious. “Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh,,,”. “CUT THE WHEEL! TURN THE WHEEL ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, TINA!!” “Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhh…”.

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