Have you seen the little piggies crawling in the dirt? And for all the little piggies, life is getting worse. – The Beatles
As you probably know, Fox News shit-canned Bill O’Reilly today after over a decade of sexual abuse allegations finally caught the attention of advertisers who began fleeing his program like cockroaches exposed to light. Aside from some momentary embarrassment, Bill-O will be just fine and will almost certainly be given another platform on another odious propaganda network before the ink dries on his pink slip. Yet this was still a very significant event. In recent years, women have mobilized effectively and boldly, infusing mutual and contagious courage into a movement that has been desperately needed for almost as long as humans have been “civilized”. To have so frightened the Murdoch clan that they were willing to let go of their network’s biggest cash-generator is surely a harbinger of bigger things to come.
Which brings me, first, to Bill Cosby. A similar coalition of women garnered the courage to tell their stories, sometimes at great personal risk, in an ultimately successful attempt to get charges levied upon America’s favorite connoisseur of god-awful sweaters. Watching this arrogant prick and his entourage arriving at court depositions and pre-trial proceedings with a smug air of untouchability reminiscent of John Gotti is beyond infuriating. Have you noticed on these occasions that he’s been playing the part of a feeble, sickly old man, complete with a cane and an arm linked with one of his attorneys for support, in an incredibly transparent effort to elicit public sympathy? I call bullshit. Though I have no proof, I firmly believe that once he’s out of camera range, he ditches the cane like SCTV’s Guy Caballero would ditch his wheelchair when he needed to run like hell from approaching danger. After all, in order to mix a Rohypnol cocktail while subduing a young woman not as enamored with his pudding pop as he would have liked, a man needs the dexterity of a person with four fully functioning limbs. I fear that Cosby will die before he spends a single day in prison, because the Universe does not share our notion of justice. However, much like the downfall of Bill O’Reilly, the fact that his case has gone this far is another fantastic sign that these efforts to expose misogyny’s darkest side are working.
The asswipe some people refer to as the President almost certainly has some bigger skeletons in his closet than hot mic bragging about his ability to grab women by the pussy. But since we’ll probably never even see his fucking tax returns, the likelihood of a sexual abuse allegation gaining traction is slim. Like most sane Americans, I long for his removal from office, but if this did come to pass, would American women be any better off?
Mike Pence recently declared that he does not allow himself to dine with any woman other than his wife and won’t attend functions where alcohol is served unless his wife is present. Many people who claim to follow Jesus applauded this as some kind of brave pronouncement of traditional Christian values…I have to assume they’ve never heard of Mary Magdeline, but that’s a topic for another day. My point is, there is nothing honorable about this ridiculous self-imposed rule. It can be reasonably interpreted two ways: 1) I do not trust myself to refrain from making sexual advances on a woman other than my wife; 2) Women are shameless harlots who will throw themselves at me in the absence of my wife. Either way, it comes from a horribly misogynistic mindset that sees women as something less than human in the first interpretation and less than moral in the second. The fact that male superiority is so ingrained in Western religion (all of which was devised by sexist assholes with small penises) gives douchebags like the Veep a holy pass to be as ignorant as they please. Fuck you, Mike Pence. Because of your self-righteous Dark Ages worldview, I wouldn’t even trust you to be around my dog if your wife wasn’t present.
Look, I know there’s always room for people to evolve. I haven’t exactly been a paragon of feminist sympathy all my life, but I have allowed myself over time to internalize the fact that I’ve met countless women along the way who are so far superior to me in intellect, courage and ability that the only logical conclusion at which I could arrive is that of inherent equality. But the people suddenly overrunning the laws and hard-fought social norms of this country are not likely candidates for a change of heart about their own chauvinism. Regardless, they still need to be loudly called out for every single piece of anti-woman legislation they pass and every proudly Neanderthalic statement they make. Once these festering dick warts are voted or impeached out of office, we’ll need the residual wind of resistance to resume the forward motion of progress. Maybe I’m naïve, but I still hold a sliver of hope for humanity in my heart.
If it seems like the pigs are getting louder and slimier, it’s because they’ve been emboldened by a pasty orange lump who temporarily holds more power than he is capable of handling. But I also think that they realize their fun might be coming to an end very soon, as more and more women help to bring rapists, abusers and harassers to at least some semblance of justice. I won’t shed a single tear if at some point in the future, should he be convicted, I read that Cosby uses one of his own horrible sweaters to pull an Aaron Hernandez in his cell. (Too soon?) The struggle for equality and justice is a dirty business and if a few formerly beloved celebrities and politicians become casualties of this struggle, so be it. Or, you know, the DNC can do something logical for a change and run someone like Elizabeth Warren in 2020, and then some real institutional changes in the direction of true equality may finally commence.