When you conceive of something as a “truth”, it becomes an obstruction.  Take a chisel to your cranium and dig out the gray matter until all that’s left is a cavity.  That’s where thoughts arise.  The discarded brain tissue is what solidifies these capricious thoughts into rigid belief systems, thereby ruining their spontaneity and transforming them into neuroses.  Throw the post-op mess in the trash where it belongs.

You will not find answers or satisfaction in relationships or in church or in a career or a hobby or on the distant shores of exotic lands.  This is because there are no answers to be found and satisfaction lies solely in that realization.

By profession, I sit and I watch; but if you hear me profess, that means I’m off the clock.  Words are just playthings, never accomplishing anything at all.  Sure, I move around and pick things up and put them down, but this just happens because I just happen and I never really move from where I sit and watch.

Observation affects behavior: of subatomic particles, watched kettles, and high school students sitting in detention.  So I sit and I watch, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of what my observation sets in motion.  It always eludes my senses because it occurs behind the senses but I keep looking, just the same.

Nothing we do brings joy or meaning or satisfaction but we do it, just the same.  We cause chaos because we are chaos, then we feel ashamed of what we’ve done because it’s what we are and we wish we were so much tidier than that.  We conjure myths from our collective imagination whose happy endings tidy up the junk in our psyches, then shout these myths from mountaintops.  The crags and spires deflect the sound waves back to us, and we call it the voice of God.



16 thoughts on “Echolalia

    1. Thanks, Caroline! I remember a character in a Vonnegut book who had echolalia (had echolalia). It made for some very interesting dialogue (dialogue). As you can see, I’ve already gotten bored with my own self-imposed blogging moratorium.

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  1. Wow! Your brilliance has brought a huge smile to my face this morning!

    My thoughts are with you as you begin the next three weeks with your parents. If you find yourself in need of strength, my hope is that you find it within yourself and manage to keep your sanity in tact. All the best to you and your parents. I hope that you are blessed with good conversation and lots of love.

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    1. Thank you so much, Tanya! It’s heartwarming to hear that you’re thinking of me even though all I’m really “suffering” through is a visit with my folks. They got here yesterday. Mom can barely walk anymore, so we’ll probably be spending a lot of time hanging out in their hotel room (they don’t stay with me when they’re here…another advantage to living in a messy studio apartment).

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      1. Over the past week, I have been thinking of you lots, made me realize that I need your email address because I wanted to give you a little pep talk! Trust me; I know what it is like to have parents in town and the mixed emotions that come with it. Sorry, your mom is not able to walk so much – aging is a real son of a bitch. Nice that they are not staying with you, so you have to ability to regroup in your space if you need to.

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  2. As is so often the case I find my own thoughts reflected in your words, only they’re clearer here than I could ever have hoped to see them in my own head. Fantastic piece. I’ll have to reblog this in a bit, if only for the sake of documenting my own journey and the influences within.

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